Bridge Humor

Here’s this month’s prescription of bridge humor. Be sure to check back again next month for your next dose. Remember, we’re supposed to be having fun!!

Here’s some new words I’ve recently added to my bridge vocabulary. Can you match them with the correct definitions?

  • 1. Blamestorming
  • 2. Seagull Player
  • 3. Prairie Dogging
  • 4. Stress Puppy
  • 5. Onosecond
A. When someone yells or drops something during a game and other players’ heads pop up to see what’s going on.

B. That minuscule fraction of time after playing from dummy in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake.

C. Sitting around after the game, discussing why your brilliant bid or play failed, and who was responsible.

D. A new player at your regular game who drops in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

E. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out by every bid and whiny every time they go down.

Answers at bottom of the page.

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in Naples, Florida. They turned a corner and see a sign that says, Old Timers Bar – all drinks 10 cents.’ They look at each other, and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, ‘Come on in and let me pour one for you! What’ll it be, Gentlemen?’

There seemed to be a fully-stocked bar, so each of the men ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up four iced martinis…shaken, not stirred, and says, ‘That’ll be 10 cents each, please’ The four men stare at the bartender for a moment. Then look at each other…they can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, ‘That’s 40 cents, please.’ They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They have each had two martinis and so far they’ve spent less than a dollar.

Finally one of the men says, ‘How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?’ ‘I’m a retired air traffic controller,’ the bartender said, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime – wine, liquor, beer, it’s all the same. “Wow!!!! That’s quite a story,” says one of the men.

The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn’t help but notice seven other people at the end of the bar who didn’t have drinks in front of them, and hadn’t ordered anything the whole time they were there. One man gestures at the seven at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, “What’s with them?” The bartender says, “Oh, they’re all bridge players. They’re waiting for happy hour when drinks are half price.”

SuicideSqueeze.jpg.I asked a student recently if he knew the definition of a “suicide squeeze” play technique. The next week he gave me this picture.

Answers: 1-C; 2-D; 3-A; 4-E; 5-B.